Sunday, May 25, 2008


After releasing the shining achievement that was the Xbox 360 to the public, Microsoft thought that they weren’t having enough cash sucked out of their assholes, and decided to create the shit colored (and filled) music player called the Zune. Microshaft seems to be under the impression that the Zune is an iPod killer. This might have something to do with Billy Gates’ noggin’ being filled with Steve Job’s man mustard. Mmm, business. The Zune comes in four different colors; Psychopath White, Fall Out Boy Black, Scat Lover's Brown, and Homoerotic Pink. They also came out with Bloodshead Red last weekend or something. Another color for the scene fucks!

Why the Zune Sucks

Because Bill Gates has a fetish for busted hardware, the Zune launched with many problems. Zune has an utterly useless feature that lets you beam songs to other Zune users, since the only people in the world who own a Zune are Bill Gates, Tycho from Penny Arcade, and Your Mom. You can only keep the songs for '3 days or 3 plays', which might be a result of all Zune users having shitty tastes in music. The Zune also has a series of useless Firmware updates, which have still yet to make the Zune any less shitty. We'd keep you posted, but it's already a lost cause. I mean, the damn thing doesnt even have a fucking clock

The software got an update! Now it fucks up your library and puts fucking Green Day album art on ALL your music!

The Zune and Bricking

Like many Microsoft products, It is not compatible with other Microsoft products and it's said to have a form of some STD, acquired when linking the Zune to its incestuous cousin, the 360 (stick it in my USB slot baby! oh yeah, deeper~). It's said that the 360 acquired this STD after Bill Gates decided that the Memory Card slot looked oddly like a vagina at the time, due to massive amounts of cocaine dancing around in his brain.

The best way to restore your Zune is to press back and up on the Dpad until Satan is spawned from hell and shits out another one from his ass.

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