Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Malcolm X

Malcolm X was an Islamic, political-type nigra who lived no more than 99 years ago. He did a lot of important things for black people, and they turned around and shot him in the back.

Is his younger years Malcolm went by his original name, Malcolm Little, and was sort of a reverse wigger. He would use some crazy shit to straighten and lighten his hair, making him look somewhat like a really dark ginger. Noone knows why he would want to take a step further down the racial ladder, however, some argue that he didn't quite feel black enough. He used to sell weed, hustle, and burglarize peoples houses, but they eventually came back to bite him in the ass.

One day in jail he basically got bored, so Malcolm decided that it would be fun to troll on everybody in the mess hall. That day, he refused to eat bacon that was being served for breakfast, claiming that he was Muslim, and that it was against his religion. He protested, saying that he was being discriminated against, and started throwing a general fit, despite the fact that nobody was really forcing him to eat the bacon in the first place. After that, he just kind of went with the whole Islam thing, and started reading the Koran, maybe to avoid looking like an even bigger asshat.

Some have a different theory on why he refused the bacon. Malcolm was being served man-meat in his cell and decided that it was time to politely decline by claiming he was Muslim.

By the time Malcolm finally got out of jail, he decided that it was time to start focusing his trolling efforts on whitey. He also changed his name to X at this time, as the dick jokes had become just unbearable. He joined up with a guy named Elijiah Muhammad and his Nation of Islam and their protests against racism and oppression. Malcolm started appearing on TV, pwning white ppl left, right, and center, and generally pissing everyone off. Essentially, his job in the Civil Rights Movement amounted to appearing so extreme, that MLK looked like Amos and Andy in comparison. Sadly, one day it was revealed that Elijiah was fucking his secretary, not exactly fitting behavior for a man of the cloth. Malcolm later left the Nation of Islam out of embarrassment. .

On the night of September 7, 1966, Malcolm X attended the Mike Tyson - Bruce Seldon boxing match at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas. After leaving the match, one of his associates spotted 21 year-old Orlando "Baby Lane" Anderson, in the MGM Grand lobby and immediately rushed Anderson and knocked him to the ground. X's entourage, as well as Suge Knight and his followers assisted in assaulting Anderson. The fight was captured on the hotel's video surveillance. A few weeks earlier, Anderson and a group of Crips robbed a member of Death Row's entourage in a Foot Locker store, precipitating X's onset. After the brawl, X went to rendezvous with Suge to go to Death Row-owned Club 662 (now known as restaurant/club Seven). He rode in Suge's 1996 black BMW 750i sedan as part of a larger convoy with some of X's friends, Outlawz, and bodyguards.

At about 11:10 p.m., while stopped at a red light at Flamingo Road near the intersection of Koval Lane in front of the Maxim Hotel, a vehicle occupied by two women pulled up on their right side. X, who was standing up through the sunroof, exchanged words with the two women, and invited them to go to Club 662. At approximately 11:15 p.m., a white, four-door, late-model, Cadillac driven by unknown person(s) pulled up to the sedan's right side, rolled down one of the windows, and rapidly fired around twelve to thirteen shots at X. He was struck by four rounds; one hit him in the chest, the pelvis, and his right hand and thigh. One of the rounds apparently ricocheted into X's right lung.Suge was hit in the head by shrapnel, though it is thought that a bullet grazed him. According to Suge, a bullet from the gunfire had been lodged in his skull, but medical reports later contradicted this statement.

Years later, Malcolm was used to sell tons of bootleg T-shirts and "X" hats to dumb niggers, who have no idea what it really is. Occasionally, you will see members of other races wearing this attire to seem edgy, or politically aware, kind of like the negro equivalent of a Che Guevara shirt. If you should come across any of these individuals IRL, it is recommended that you murder them immediately.

Fun Facts
* When he was younger, he was thought of as his elementary school class's official mascot. Kind of like the class hamster.
* According to Malcolm, the perfect age for a man's bride is 1/2 his age, plus seven. It should be noted that Muhammad himself was waaay off on this one.
* When he was younger, Malcolm preferred the white wiminz. It's all in his Autobiography.

1 comment:

Ilovetobeclicked said...

The game. And you thought you had a real comment for a moment there!